T to the R to the...

A-S-H-Y, book, you trashy. {rhythmically "sung" to the tune of some Fergie song  that I can't remember the name of right now} ... &&&& musical interlude over...

I just started reading this horribly trashy, romance “novella” that I purchased for $3 on Amazon. I put novella in quotes because it is obviously written by an amateur author, self-published, and unedited by anyone, at all. {The author used “through” instead of “threw”… & part of my soul died.} Don’t get me wrong, I know my grammar and punctuation skills are atrocious, but I am also not an aspiring writer. Anyway, the plot is fairly interesting and it is extremely easy to read {& the first “novella” in the series was free}, so I count it as a win for a summer read. Even though the book itself is, as I said before, T-R-A-S-H-Y {with a capital T!} something about the romance itself struck me.

First off, I will go ahead and state that I may have a warped perception of romantic relationships. My hopeless romanticism coupled with my high skepticism of true intentions makes for an interesting view on love. Whether this, I will call it bipolar just for lack of a better term, view of love is due to my past relationships {good or bad, romantic or not} or what we are bombarded with in popular media, I am unsure. Men have morphed into these emotionless, amoeboid creatures that engulf the sentiments of unsuspecting women, leaving them hollow and pathetic. {DING! DING! DING! Too much TV!} DISCLAIMER: this is not limited to men in real world terms. I’m sure many women have been viewed in a similar manor.

Back to the read…

The main character {at least she seems to be the main character}, a very young girl – 18 or so {which starts a discussion for another day: the adult subject matter of teen reads… HELLO! Inappropriate!} begins falling in love with a young man a few years her senior. She is a virgin and the young man seems to be not-a-virgin… this is where it caught my attention. The young man cares for this girl a great deal…so much so, that he feels no need to pressure her into anything. He waits for her to make sure that she is ready before he asks her to proceed in their relationship, in any facet. It seems that this, what I will call selfless, behavior is something that we have lost in the modern world. We {collectively male + female from any culture} are just downright selfish. We want what we want. We have our dreams and desires and we don’t want to let anything get in the way. “I don’t want to get married because that will eat up my fast car fund.” “I want to feel good, their reservations be damned.” This is what we portray to one another. However, the young man in this story refuses to give into his feelings, and instead, listens to the desires and uncertainties of his partner. He cares for her and realizes that maybe his “needs” aren't the most important factor. It seems like we could all take a lesson from this, whether it be in love or in friendship {also applies to spirituality as well}, and realize that our selfish behaviors just flat out get in the way of some phenomenal relationships. We are missing out!

Now, I take back what I said about men. I know a lot of outstanding men {& women}. Men {& women} who renew my confidence in humanity. They make me realize that not all people existing on this earth are crappy and devoid of character. They show me that it is perfectly normal to ask for patience, understanding, and some consideration in relationships… in fact, that I should expect {possibly demand} those things. And those are the very things that I ask for and the very things that I try, with all my might, to reciprocate. 

Re-evaluate yourself within your relationships. Even though it is exceptionally easy to get lost in our own egocentricity, take a step back and think “this isn't all about me…”

my age in joy || 25

Today is the last day of joy for my blog. However, I plan on making this part of my resolution for the new year. I want to be able to carry this joy into every day. I hope that it will change my views of life. I think of how some people might respond to this blog, if they read it... they might think I'm fake or a goody goody and it makes me not want to write. Then I remember it doesn't matter what they think. I'm not fake. These are my genuine feelings. If they think I am fake, they don't know me. I am a Christian. I may not shout it to the world every day, but I am. I make mistakes though. ALL THE TIME. And I try my best to not judge other people for their mistakes. This specific blog series is not a way for me to talk about myself, but really it's a way for me to try to better myself. I was sitting at my cousin's rehearsal dinner for his wedding and his soon to be bride was giving her bridal party their presents. For each girl, she told a little bit about them, how they had met, and what a treasure they were to her life. She continued to say what a positive influence these girls had been in her life... that when she would been down, she would look at said girl and see her as almost a pillar. A good influence. Someone to keep her going. Knowing the bride, you would never think she would need people to pick her up. She is one of the sweetest and happiest people I have ever met.
That got me thinking, would any of my friends say that about me? Was I a positive influence on them? Did I inspire them to be a better person? Highly doubtful! I complain, I'm negative, I have bad days, I do things I shouldn't... I am one of the last people that my friends would look to for inspiration. That was a wake up call to me. I want to be one of those people. I want to help people. I want to be positive. I know that I will never be one of those peppy people... that just isn't my personality, but I still want to be a good person. So, this is part of that change... I want to find joy in the unlikely. I want a daily reminder to be a better person. Make fun of me if you want or think I'm fake all day... it doesn't matter. I am attempting to better myself and my friends and family in return.... maybe you should consider the same.

So, on Christmas Day 2013... this is my last Joyful blog.

My biggest joy comes from God.

I grew up in the church. I went to a private, Christian school from kindergarten until I graduated from high school. I became a Christian when I was in first grade. God has been a daily part of my life for my entire life. When I left for college, I quit going to church. I was burned out. I know that is awful to say about a christian lifestyle, but I was. It was shoved down my throat on a daily basis. I was taught to think of EVERYTHING in terms of a Christian worldview. I needed a break. I never rebelled. I didn't go crazy. I didn't stop being a Christian or believing in God. I never tried another religion. I just could not bring myself to get involved in a church or religious organization.

Once I got well into college, my friends and I tried different churches and I found one I liked. I got involved in a campus, religious organization... which I loved. I met a lot of wonderful people.

I'm telling you this because even during the times I didn't go to church, God was with me. I felt Him with me. He watched over me. I never turned my back on Him, but I wasn't fully invested in my faith either. Yet, when I needed God the most, in a situation I knew I didn't have the emotional stability to pull myself out of, He got me through. We may not be the best followers in the world, but we are His children and He loves us more than we can fathom. God brings me joy because He is ALWAYS there. Even when we do something stupid, even when we can't feel Him... He is there! That safety net will never fail us. God is joy!

Merry Christmas!

twenty four.

Christmas Eve Service.

I'm stealing this idea from an advent devotion my mom wrote. My favorite service of the entire year is always Christmas Eve. It's always a similar message... about the birth of baby Jesus. The music is always beautiful. The anticipation of the children in the room is always tangible. But at my church, like many others I'm sure, we have a special custom... at the end of the service the pastor uses the Christ candle on the altar to light the candles of the congregation. Each person passes the light to the person beside them until every candle is lit. The lights of the sanctuary are then dimmed. All of this happens as we sing the song "Silent Night." We are then to leave the sanctuary in silence.

It may not seem very special just hearing about it, but being in the presence of that glow is something inexplicable. I cry every time. God's light and love is passed to us, each and every one of us. We can pass along that light as well. Other people see God in us. That is our calling as Christians... to share God's light. We ourselves need to glow like those little candles. All of those wonderful qualities that Jesus possessed as a human (and as a heavenly being), we possess those as well. He has bestowed them onto us. We may have to dig a little to find them or try a little harder to use them, but they are there. That is our blessing. Let your light shine just like that special baby's light shown to the world on the night of His birth. Let that hope ring through the new year. Be bearers of Christ's light to the world.