is something I don't have at all. I wish I did though. Really. I've come to the conclusion that everything that has been going on for the past few months is a test, a way to teach me to be patient. I'm not sure it's working out very well. Haha. Sometimes, I'm proud of myself because I can see that I'm accepting the fact that I have to wait. Other times, however, I get really frustrated just waiting for what seems like nothing to happen. My family claims (lol) that I have always been very lucky and have never had to wait for anything. I don't fully agree with the statement. I've had to wait & work hard to get a lot of the things that I've gotten. However, I will give them the fact that I have been very blessed with an easy time with most things thus far. But is it really necessary to teach me this full lesson....having to wait for EVERYTHING all at once? I don't think so. Lol. There are about 3 things that I want really, really, really bad right now. If just one of those things could happen... well, really, if 2 of them could happen. Haha. I know I sound so spoiled, which I am... it's just really hard.
Apparently, this is how "real life" goes. My uncle told me that graduating from college and trying to find a job was "the hardest time in my life." I think that was supposed to be a somewhat comforting statement, but it really just scared the mess out of me! I'm not ready to live through the hardest part of my life yet. I'm still learning about myself and the world... and everything. I don't think I have the emotional capability to deal with "the hardest time of my life" right now.
I should just be happy, I know. I am very lucky. I actually have it far easier than a lot of people do. I have an amazing support system with my family and friends and even my former professors. Everyone is constantly asking how I'm doing. People are always telling me about job opportunities (that I am completely unqualified for, unfortunately). When everything is rushing at you at the same time, it's hard to look at it in a positive light though... like I should be doing.
Another thing I've learned is that I think I give up too easily. I don't want to push people or be annoying. I think in most cases it is best to just let things be (which I'm not good at either), but sometimes you have to show people that you're not going to give up. I'm so not good at that. & I'm not super sure how to go about doing that when looking for a job.... or really in any situation. I wish I could be one of those persistent people... my mom always told me "the squeaky wheel gets the grease"... the only time that I ever used that as inspiration, it actually worked. Haha. Imagine that. But to me, (in general) that approach doesn't so much work. At least, it doesn't work when people attempt to use it with me. I just get annoyed. So, I'm afraid other people will have that same reaction.
I guess I'm writing all of this to say that I need to quit being scared and I need to go after what I want. It's not just going to come to me. I have to be strong and work for it. Tell people what I want and show them that I will get it. {Sadly, the one situation I wish I could apply this new found drive to the most... won't so much work.}
So, every girl should listen to this song by the Pistol Annies. Not to be a gold digger or anything. It's just a good woman power song! Haha. If you don't believe me, get in your car and blare it out about 10 times before you're about to do something difficult & it'll give you the courage to do whatever it is! I know. I did it!
Anyway, sorry if you read this and were bored or think I'm crazy or something. These days I feel a little nuts about 95% of the time. That's okay. Makes life a little more fun, I suppose. ;)
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